living beyond loss

 

It’s Time to Live Beyond the Pain of Loss

from a death, broken relationship, change in health & more

 

Have you experienced any of these?

• Chronic pain or illness
• Loss of job or business
• Move to a new place
• Empty nest
• Divorce
• Death of a loved one
• Death of a beloved pet
• Broken relationship

Experiencing a significant change in a familiar pattern of behavior or circumstances may create a sense of confusion, unknowing, uncertainty, or even grief. If you are recovering from an illness, injury, breakup, death of a loved one or pet, or any number of other life events, you may feel as if your life has been put on pause.

Things that once made sense may cause life to feel unbalanced, ungrounded, unfamiliar.  It may feel as though life is out of your control or “just the way things are.”  You may feel as if life is happening to you and the story of your life is being ghostwritten by others.

Or, it may feel as if nothing ever changes, that you are hopelessly stuck in the same old story.

 

You might feel…

• drained of energy
• emotional pain over the loss
• unfinished emotional business over the loss
• there doesn’t seem to be a future because of your loss
• you need to take action and feel in control of your life again
• you are protecting yourself by not expressing your feelings
• time hasn’t healed any wounds
• like you might be going crazy

If so, you are not alone! Experiencing these thoughts and feelings does NOT mean something is wrong with you. What’s more, while many of the events that bring a sense of loss are considered “negative” – such as an illness, injury, death of a loved one, or change in financial situation – some other events which may lead to these emotions and thoughts are usually considered “positive.” What’s more, a positive event could cause feelings of grief.

For example, graduating from high school or college means the loss of a familiar routine and group of friends. Promotions at work can mean the loss of control over your schedule. Marriage can bring the loss of personal space and independence. The birth or adoption of a child may mean the loss of sleep and spontaneity. While these events are most often considered positive, the feelings that show up might not always be.

 

You aren’t broken, and you don’t need to be fixed.

Although your heart may be broken, you are not. Everything you may feel in reaction to a loss is normal and natural. It is okay to feel what you feel, to go through what you’re going through.

Our experience of grief is personal.   Whether your loss was due to the death of a loved one (or not-so-loved one), a broken relationship, end of a lifestyle or career, change in a hoped-for future, or even loss of faith, you are not going to experience the emotions and changes like anyone else, nor follow any predetermined stages. Every relationship is unique.  Every grief experience is unique.

It can be unsettling when, for whatever reason, what we’ve come to believe about our self – our life story – has changed. The old way of doing things, all the familiar patterns, are no longer working, but we keep doing things the way we’ve always done them because, well, it’s automatic.  And it may feel as though your life story no longer fits.

I want to encourage you to know that it is possible to create a new story even after all your familiar patterns have changed. As difficult as it may seem, a season of loss or change can include a sense of hope. Change creates the opportunity for possibilities that may not have existed until now. Transforming your grief into something hopeful may sound impossible right now, but it can be done with a plan and correct action steps.

 

“The act of sharing hopelessness with another is a very hopeful act.”

– David Krueger, MD, New Life Story^® Creator & CEO of MentorPath

 

 

How are you experiencing your grief?

Grief is unique to every person, and every relationship to the loss.  People experiencing the same loss will have different expressions of grief.  Do you feel it mostly in your emotions?  Can you feel it in your body?  Is it showing up in your relationships or work?  All of the above?

There are no right or wrong ways to experience grief. Just as there are no right or wrong ways to process all of those experiences.

Other people may be uncomfortable or critical of the way you’re “handling” your grief (or not handling it, in their opinion), but it’s your experience, not theirs.  It means that you are unique, just as your relationship to whatever or whomever you’re grieving is unique. But that doesn’t mean you must process it alone.

 

Can we really be “well” while experiencing grief?

I think we can.  Wellness doesn’t mean perfect health or absence of pain.  It’s not coming to the end of our grieving.  To me, wellness means living the best we can within our circumstances while also exploring healthy ways to process our experiences.  While it may seem impossible to “be well” in the middle of all you’re going through, consider the alternative of being well in spite of it all.  Imagine the possibility of finding meaning, hope, purpose, and transformation in your life amidst the grief you’re experiencing.

If we can be completely honest here, are there times when you wish you could “move on” with your life, or “get over” the pain you’re feeling?  While things will probably never go back to “the way they were” it is entirely possible that things could get better.  That your feelings of stuck-ness can be nudged just enough to catch a glimpse of what could be.

And, as I mentioned earlier, you don’t have to go through this alone. I have a plan and the action steps that will help.

 

“You have to have a new story to be in before you can completely let go of the old one.”

– David Krueger, MD, New Life Story® Creator & CEO of MentorPath

 

Can you imagine for a moment…

… what you’d rather experience?  There are options you may not have considered – after all, you’ve been busy.  Let’s take a moment to explore possibilities…

• What does grief mean to you?
• What does support look like to you?
• Do you prefer to grieve alone or with others?
• Is it okay to talk about what happened?
• How do you feel when you hear other people describe their grief experiences?
• What is your “go-to” method of processing discomfort or confusion?
• Are there people who criticize or complain about your ways of grieving?
• Are there any “shoulds” that pop up as you explore these questions?
• If you had a magic wand, what would you like to change?

You deserve to live a more purposeful, meaningful, and joy-filled life.  I’d like to invite you to consider the possibilities, to find a fresh perspective and motivation for taking some small steps toward change to discover tools, proven strategies, and meaningful activities to help you create and achieve your goals; to create your new story of wellness.

 

How I can help…

Grief Recovery Method^®

This powerful and dynamic experience is the most sensible, accessible, and authentic plan available for recovery from loss. Each program is facilitated by a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist^® in a 7-week one-on-one format. The Grief Recovery Institute has trained thousands of Specialists all over the country as well as internationally.

I provide a safe environment for participants to take the actions of The Grief Recovery Method^®. You will look at your old beliefs about dealing with loss, what losses have affected your life, and take new actions that will lead you to completion of the pain attached to those losses. As a result, our participants find that they are able to discover and complete what was left emotionally unfinished due to a death, a divorce, or other major loss.

The Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith (2009) and the accompanying format, both written by the founders of the Grief Recovery Institute®, John W. James and Russell Friedman, are used as texts for the program.

 

Pet Loss – Grief Recovery Method^®

Pets are more than animals we have living in our homes – they become part of the family.  Losing a pet can be as (or more) devastating as losing a loved on.  Using the same structured educational program as the Grief Recovery Method^® above, I will guide you through a 6-week program using the Grief Recovery Handbook for Pet Loss (2014).